Managing Anxiety During the Holidays

A sweat breaks out on your brow, your hands are clammy, and you feel like you can’t pull enough oxygen into your lungs. The sounds around you dull and your ears ring, the drum of your heartbeat beating faster and faster as your eyes go out of focus.  

Many of us have been here – a panic attack.  

The physical manifestation of a panic attack can be so severe that it could never be confused with stress, and instead may be confused with a heart attack. Anxiety does not always present as visibly as a panic attack, but that doesn’t mean that it is not a real and prevailing condition that many people live with. So how do you know if what you are experiencing is considered stress or anxiety? Everyone feels stress from time to time, but every day millions of people are plagued with anxiety that persists without a stressor, or after the stressor has passed. Stress is a physical or mental manifestation of your emotional state surrounding a specific stressor (or a series of stressors). Stress can be caused by something as simple as forgetting the cranberry sauce for Thanksgiving dinner, or as serious as a family member going into the hospital the week before your holiday celebration. Anxiety can be brought about by the same stressors, but the signifying difference is that anxiety typically persists after the stressor has passed and can also be brought about without the addition of external stressors. 

For many, the ringing of holiday bells and the soft fall of snow brings joy and a feeling of well-being, but unfortunately, the holidays tend to heighten anxiety for those who deal with it throughout the year. The holiday season is a massive deviation from our typical daily routine – and routine can be very helpful for people with anxiety. There is nothing that calms the brain demons quite like knowing exactly where you will be going, what you will be doing, who you will be seeing, and how your evening will end. During the holidays we add toxic relationships, unmanageable expectations, back-to-back scheduling, gift-giving or receiving pressure, religious requirements, friends, parents, siblings, cousins, and crazy neighbors into the mix and our anxious mind doesn’t quite know how to catch up.  

If you are reading this today, I am guessing that this description feels familiar – You probably have some brain demons of your own clamoring in the background trying to get your undivided attention and are wondering how to put them in their place. This is the part where I tell you that a mental health clinician can provide you with specialized 1:1 treatment that helps you figure out exactly what works for you, and that there is absolutely no shame in working with a professional. I recommend it to everyone, I have been through SO MUCH therapy myself, and I completely back the profession as a person, not as a representative of Conscious Healing.  

The stigma around getting treatment for mental health is real, and it can be difficult to find a therapist and get started in treatment – especially around the holidays! So, let’s dive in. 

The first step to managing your anxiety is recognizing your triggers. As previously stated, anxiety can stem from an external stressor, but it can also present without an external stressor. That can make recognizing your triggers difficult, but not impossible. Around the holidays there are a few common triggers for anxiety: 

• Financial concerns 
• Job stability 
• Family 
• Interpersonal relationships 
• Death 
• Food 
• Seasonal change/daylight savings time  
• Increased social interactions 
• Crowds and overstimulation 
• Societal pressure 
• Religious pressure 
• Childcare 

The common denominator between most of these anxiety triggers is relationship. The way you view yourself and the relationship you hold with others can often be a source of anxiety when you are going into unfamiliar territory or are revisiting old wounds that have not been cleared away.  Avoiding anxiety triggers may not be feasible nor is it the best way to move through life, so instead we learn to manage our reaction to external stimuli. Some helpful ways to manage anxiety are: 

• Breathing techniques 
• Guided meditation 
• Journaling 
• Emotional regulation skills 
• Reframing negative thoughts 

Each person may respond best to a different anxiety management technique, so it is recommended to test out multiple strategies in order to find the one that works best for you. For example, I find that guided meditation only enhances my anxiety because my internal monologue does not stop while the guided meditation is occurring. Conversely, I find that certain emotional regulation skills work with my brain demons instead of against them and allow me to regulate myself while in the midst of an anxiety surge. So, work smarter – not harder. If one of these doesn’t work for you, move on to the next!  

We are going to go through some examples of how to use these anxiety management techniques using the common holiday triggers that we discussed earlier. We won’t touch on every listed anxiety trigger, but keep in mind that one anxiety management technique will work for many, if not all, anxiety triggers.  

Breathing Techniques 

If you find yourself sitting up late at night with racing thoughts, breathing techniques may be a helpful anxiety management tool to use.  

Box breathing is a technique that has been shown to help relax the nervous system, which may ultimately aid in falling asleep. The steps are simple: 

1. Breathe in for 4 seconds 
2. Hold for 4 seconds 
3. Breathe out for 4 seconds 
4. Hold for 4 seconds 
5. Repeat as many times as is necessary 

4 – 7 – 8 Breathing is a similar technique that is more advanced for individuals who are more experienced with intentional breathing. The longer exhalation also provides increased physical benefits like lowering blood pressure.  

1. Breathe in for 4 seconds 
2. Hold for 7 seconds 
3. Exhale for 8 seconds 
4. Repeat as many times as is necessary 

Guided Meditation 

Many people who are self-managing anxiety may not be skilled at self-guided meditation, so one great technique for managing anxiety is participating in guided meditation techniques. This allows the listener to shut off their mind, focus on the voice of the facilitator, and quiet the background noise of their brain demons. There are many guided meditations available, and you can partner with friends or family to provide each other with a meditative experience. You can ask someone you trust to read this Safe Place Guided Imagery, or try creating your own guided meditations by recording yourself reading with some background music, but you can also find pre-made guided meditations online! Below are a few guided meditations available online for those that wish to practice alone. 

Safe and Peaceful Place Visualization 

5 Minute Meditation you can do Anywhere 

Leaves on a Stream 

Guided Meditation for Relaxation, Anxiety, Depression, and Self Acceptance 

Happiness Meditation 

Journaling 

Journaling can be a great anxiety management tool for people who have a hard time identifying their anxiety triggers. There are many ways to journal (but no right way to journal!), and there are even guided journals on the market. (I personally love Burn after Writing – not a sponsored link, just a personal recommendation!) These guided journals provide prompts and allow your mind to open in a way in which it may not have previously.  Journaling also allows you to dig deep into an anxiety source to understand the underlying issue that triggers the anxiety. Journaling can be beneficial to those who find that planning soothes their anxiety and can be used to plan for future events, create a list of boundaries to uphold, practice what you want to say to someone, or write a list of affirmations.  

Emotional Regulation Skills 

Emotional regulation is “the ability to exert control over one’s own emotional state”, and there are many methods of emotional regulation that can benefit someone who is self-managing their anxiety. We are going to go through a few different methods and explain how it works and why.  

1. “Name it to tame it” 

• Name It to Tame It is a method of taking power away from your anxiety by putting words to it. 
  • Example: Your heartbeat is irregular, your stomach is churning, and your palms are sweating – you know that anxiety is creeping up and you don’t know how to stop it. You sit with your feelings and consider why your anxiety is peaking. Are you dreading your upcoming Hanukkah celebration when you know your mom will ask you when you will settle down and start a family? Are you angry that your job just cut your hours right before the holidays? Are you sad because your grandfather passed away right before Thanksgiving last year? NAME IT! Call out your feelings, give them words and take away some of their power. Once you know that you are feeling dread, anger, or sadness you can address the feeling head-on instead of letting it fester in the background. Name your feelings and tame your reaction to them.  

• TIPP Skills  
  • TIPP Skills are a way of changing your body chemistry quickly when experiencing a large emotional reaction. Anxiety activates our sympathetic nervous system which causes the “fight, flight, or freeze” reaction, and TIPP skills will help activate our parasympathetic nervous system which is the part of our nervous system that helps restore peace to our body. 

• Temperature 
  • How to: 
    • Holding your breath, put your face into a bowl of cold water (50°F) and hold for 30 seconds. You can also put a cold compress on your face if you do not have access to a bowl of cold water. 
  • Example: 
    • A routine trip to Target should be an easy task, but during the holidays the crowds are outrageous! When you get home from your weekly shopping trip you find yourself overstimulated, cranky, and on the verge of an anxiety attack. In order to quickly regulate your body’s physical reaction to overstimulation you can fill a bowl with cold water and submerge your face for 30 seconds. This will shock your system into regulation and calm the physical reaction to overstimulation. If you don’t like the idea of drenching yourself, here are a few other ideas that may get a similar outcome: Splash your face with cold water, take a cold shower, keep a spoon or an orange in the freezer to place on the upper middle of your back as needed.  

• Intense Exercise 
  • How to: 
    • Expend your body’s stored energy by engaging in a short (or long) burst of intense physical activity, such as running, jumping rope, lifting weights, swimming, boxing, HITT training, or any other preferred physical activity. 

• Example:
  • A phone call with your father went south – you were just trying to plan for the upcoming holiday gift exchange and somehow it devolved into an argument that involved harsh words and negative thoughts. Instead of dwelling on the disastrous conversation, you decide to put on some running shoes and take a quick lap around the neighborhood. This will simultaneously expend your body’s energy and release dopamine into your system through a quick burst of physical activity.  

1. Paced Breathing 

• How to: 
  • Breathe deeply into your belly, slowing the pace of your inhalation and exhalation to five or six breaths per minute. Breathe out more slowly than you breathe in. (See Breathing Techniques for examples!) 

• Example: 
  • You are on your third Thanksgiving event of the day with one left to go. The morning went well, but it is mid-afternoon, and you are feeling overly full, exhausted, overstimulated, “peopled out”, and in dire need of caffeine. As your physical discomforts seem to crowd you, you feel the start of a panic attack gnawing at you as your breathing grows erratic and your heart thumps at irregular times. You take 5 minutes away from the crowd and practice some paced breathing in the bathroom to bring your breathing back to normal and reset the physical reaction to your anxiety.  

• Paired Muscle Relaxation 
• How to: 
  • While breathing into your belly, tense your muscles, focusing on specific parts of your body individually. Notice the tension in your body and connect to the feeling of your muscles. While breathing out, say the word “relax” in your mind and release the tension in your muscles. Complete this for each section of your body until you have worked through every muscle group.  

• Example: 
  • Your mind won’t stop racing as you try to fall asleep. You’ve been tossing and turning for an hour and you’re now even more anxious because you won’t have a good night of sleep. You decide to practice Paired Muscle Relaxation, allowing your mind to focus specifically on the feeling of each muscle group in your body, providing a distraction from the racing thoughts and bringing you back into your body. 

• Sour Candy 
  • Popping a sour candy into your mouth at the onset of an anxiety attack is a favorite hack for “shocking your system”, creating a mindful moment where you are completely focused on your physical senses. When you are anxious, you may experience physical symptoms such as sweaty palms, nausea, increased heart rate, and dry mouth – all of these are signs that your sympathetic nervous system is engaged (fight or flight mode). Sour candy (such as warheads) causes your mouth to produce more saliva. Saliva production helps to activate your parasympathetic nervous system, the part of your nervous system that is responsible for restoring a state of calm and relaxation. 

• Essential Oils 
  • Similar to using sour candy, using essential oils helps create mindful moments where you focus on one of your senses. Jarring smells can shock your nervous system, and pleasant smells can elicit a powerful positive memory. The added benefit of using essential oils is that certain oils create calming effects and can provide both physical and emotional benefits. Valerian, Lavender, Chamomile, Rosemary, and Clary sage are some great options for reducing anxiety and creating a calming effect.  

Reframing Negative Thoughts 

Example: 

You have been scrimping and saving all year to provide your kids with an abundance of gifts from Santa. Their lists have been mailed, the stockings hung, and your halls are decked – but your hot water heater must have decided that your kids don’t need any fancy gifts because it breaks, and it will cost all of your savings to replace. You shell out all of your hard-earned money to get the hot water up and running and look at the shining tinsel on your tree with despair. How can you afford to put presents under the tree and a Christmas ham on your table? Your job doesn’t offer overtime, and both you and your wife are working full-time jobs already. There is no way to catch up in such a short amount of time.  

[Negative thought] I failed as a parent and ruined Christmas because I don’t have the money to buy my kids the most expensive gifts. 

How can you reframe this absolute shit-show of a situation into a positive? This is a TRULY sucky situation, and the first step to reframing your mindset is to sit with your negative feelings. Nothing you can tell yourself will un-break the hot water heater or put the money back into your bank, but Christmas is still going to come, so how do we move forward without letting our cycling thoughts get the best of us? First, find a positive and focus on it. In this instance, if you didn’t have that money set aside you would be in this situation without a newly replaced hot water heater. So yes, your kids may be sad that they don’t get the newest electronics on the market, or that their friends get more gifts than they do, but at least they have hot water. Next, find a practical solution. As a parent, you are no stranger to using creative solutions to everyday problems, so maybe you can use your creative skills to come up with a new family tradition that isn’t centered around gifts, but instead around spending quality time with your family. Remind yourself that this problem is only temporary, even if your anxiety is telling you otherwise.  

[Reframed thought] I am a good parent – my kids have hot water and will love the gifts they do have, and we will get to spend quality time together. Christmas isn’t ruined – it will just be different this year, and different isn’t bad. And who knows? That difference may lead to a lifetime of heartwarming family traditions that your kids will enjoy. 

Whatever method works for you, please remember that while you may live with anxiety, anxiety does not define who you are. Take a few moments each day to remind yourself of your worth and power, and most importantly, take care of yourself during this holiday season! If you are interested in external assistance to managing your anxiety, feel free to drop in on our Managing Anxiety Through the Holidays group, or reach out to get paired with a clinician who can provide 1:1 support!